During their growth, children are like a sponge. They absorb everything from their surrounding and have their parents as supporting pillars. The parental role is very crucial during this period – at this time, children need support and also need to feel safe and loved, so they look for guidance in their parents.
Many parents are not careful what they speak in front of their kids, but what we say actually has a much bigger impact on our children than most people believe. Whatever you say to your children when they’re growing up, they will take it at face value.
Here are some phrases psychologists don’t recommend saying to your children:
You Disappoint Me
Telling your child that he/she is a disappointment is about the worst thing you can do. You won’t motivate them to work harder – as a matter of fact, you will kill their motivation. Children never want to disappoint their parents, but they will always fail in one way or another. You should tell them they’re wrong, of course, but be gentle about it.
Crying is a natural emotion that shouldn’t be bottled up. Children do tend to cry more because they’re scared of their actions. Whenever they do something wrong, you should never tell them to stop crying – you’re only telling them to stop expressing emotions in this way. Allow your children to cry, but make them understand what they did wrong afterwards. But, remember – no yelling is allowed.
Big Boys Don’t Get Scared
Yes, they do. You can’t stop your children from being scared just by telling them not to be scared. Fear is a powerful emotion that can’t be stopped with words. As a matter of fact, you’ll be better off telling your children that it’s OK to be scared every now and then, but not all the time.
You’re a Bad Boy/Girl!
Children will make mistakes at some point – they are still learning how to behave and making mistakes is a part of the process. Although you need to point out the mistakes, you should never tell your children they are bad. It’ll have a negative effect on their developing mind and can cause a lot more trouble than you think.
You Are Not Obedient Enough
Telling your child that they lack something can be deeply disturbing for them. This phrase may make them believe they don’t have what their parents want, which will harm them in many ways. You can, however, be gentle about it and tell your children there’s room for improvement. In this way, they’ll work on improving themselves all the time, and it’ll continue when they’re older.
No matter how your children look like, you should NEVER tell them they’re ugly, fat, dark or anything else. Pointing out these things will make them depressed and you may even be worsening the problem if they are already being bullied about it at school. Home is where kids feel the safest and if you create an unsafe environment by body shaming them, they will feel just as bad as they do in school.
Instead of body shaming, you can inspire them to eat healthily and exercise. Healthy habits should be encouraged in children and body shaming should never even cross your mind.
I Do Everything for You
Yes, you do, because it’s expected of you. You are responsible for your children and they expect you to do everything for them. They are children, they are under your protection and guidance and they can’t help you when they’re young. Don’t expect them to become your little helper from a young age and don’t ever mutter this phrase in front of them if you like them to grow into healthy adults.